


Boys on Film

by OniX



Category: Supernatural
Genre: College AU, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, photographer/model au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 18:52:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1358182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OniX/pseuds/OniX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is a young photographer who leaves home to become an artist instead of fixing cars like his father hopes. During his first real photoshoot Dean meets a man called Castiel and they just click. Dean has some issues to work and Cas' life hasn't been the best so far, but they find comfort in each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I still suck at writing summaries god dammit. Anyways, this story was strongly inspired by http://deancaspornlookalikes.tumblr.com/ (warning - nsfw blog so be careful) and a few pictures from there. There is a smutty part in this chapter already but please be gentle, I don't write smut often and I'm very insecure about it, but if you have any ideas how I could improve that, do tell! Not so sure if this will continue, but it might.

Dean never meant to become an artist. Somehow he still did, and then he found himself getting stipends to three different art-schools and he couldn’t really argue with that. He loved photography, he took that as his main subject, but he did like drawing too. Sam was proud, he was happy that Dean had found something else than fixing cars that he liked, Sam was as supportive as he could be all the way from Stanford, but dad wasn’t. Of course he wasn’t. It wasn’t manly enough for dad, but then again nothing ever was. So Dean did what he had to and instead of giving in and trying to make dad happy, he left and got to a school twenty miles away from home.

The first few weeks were tough. He didn’t have an apartment so he lived where he lived until the school’s new apartment-building got ready and he moved in there. The room was meant for two and he got a room-mate. His name was Benny and they got along really well even though they started off with a fight of who got which side of the room. Benny was an artist too, but he focused on painting and sports. Dean liked a few teachers, hated a few, and loved one. It wasn’t easy, but it was better than living home with an alcoholic dad.

The first half a year went better. Dean was good at what he did and he learned a lot, and he and Benny became good friends. They had nights where they drank beer and watched sports, they helped each other out and threw stuff at each other a lot. Sam called a few times and Dean called Sam lots of times. Dad didn’t call once, but Bobby did, and Dean promised to come over during holidays and Dean was really happy to hear that Sam was coming too.

Dean looked forward to his first real photography session. He had heard that the guy’s name was Castiel, he also worked as a nude model for drawing classes, but that was all he knew when he pushed the door of the studio open. He had his own camera with him, the one Bobby gave him as a birthday gift after he saw some pictures Dean took. It was a good camera and Dean wanted to take it with him even if he ended up using something of the school’s, it gave him a feeling of safety. He had to remind himself that there was nothing to be afraid of, this was an opportunity and he had to use it well.

Dean was welcomed by the crew he was going to be working with and his teacher who’d look over and make sure everything went well. And the model, Castiel. After shaking hands with him Dean escaped to the bathroom to fix his hair, light brown, almost like sand, and stare himself in the eyes. He squinted at himself and reminded himself that he shouldn’t be the one feeling nervous and looking good, he was the one behind the camera, but then again, he hadn’t been that nervous before. It was the model, yeah, with his stupid dark brown hair and stupid blue, so goddamn blue eyes, and muscly body, being shorter than Dean… yeah, it was him. But now was not the time. Dean hoped he’d have something better than holy jeans and a plaid shirt over a tee, but yeah, time to let that go.

Dean tried again and re-entered the room. The crew was setting everything up and Dean chatted briefly with the teacher. He got permission to do whatever he wanted, but the photoshoot had to please the customer. He talked with the guy there and he said he needed pictured for an art-project, with male models that were half-dressed and then naked, a study in male body like he put it. The studio had a windowsill, big enough for a man to sit there, so Dean pointed the model there. He took a few pictures where Castiel had his clothes on and they adjusted the lights a bit, but then Dean took a deep breath and braced himself.

“OK, we’re about done in here. Take off your shirt, please, Castiel – is Cas okay? Okay, Cas”, Dean said and Castiel pulled his shirt off. He was clearly comfortable and okay, he didn’t have any reason not to be, he looked good. Really good.

“Good. Uh, sit on the windowsill, sideways to the camera”, Dean instructed and Castiel followed his orders. He was good, he probably saw that Dean was a bit lost with what he was doing, and he didn’t that much orders. He knew exactly what he was doing. Dean took a few shots and showed them to the guy, Chuck was his name, and he seemed pleased.

“Take a few more of those and then we could go to full nude pictures”, he said and Dean nodded. He fixed the camera’s settings a bit and the make-up artists fixed Castiel a bit.

“Should I unbutton my jeans?” Castiel suddenly asked.

“Oh, yeah, that’d be good. A bit more sensual”, Chuck said and Dean nodded. Lorraine, the teacher, pretended not to see how Dean leaned closer to his camera to fix the settings that were already good. Castiel threw his legs on the windowsill and set himself sideways again, and this time he lifted his arm over his face and turned himself a bit too much.

“Turn back a bit – no, too much –“

“Dean, go to him”, Lorraine said. “Put him how you want him if you can’t spell it out.”

So Dean had to leave from behind the camera. He tried to explain and Castiel listened, but he didn’t move, and Dean saw a mischievous look in his eyes. OK, fine, two could play this game.

“Like this”, Dean said and pressed his hand on Castiel’s chest and turning him how he wanted him to be.

“What about my legs?” Castiel asked. Dean grabbed his thigh and lifted it a bit, pushed one a bit down, so that there was a small triangle where light would shine through and it’d look awesome. Dean hoped he didn’t look too flushed when he returned behind the camera. He snapped the pictures and then Chuck wanted to move forward. Dean could have taken lots of more pictures of Castiel but he reminded that they had a timeline and all.

Castiel stripped confidently and they took a few pictures of him standing and leaning against the window, head thrown back and light shining around him. Sun was just starting to set, and even though the pictures were supposed to be black and white, maybe they could keep a few with colours. Dean ordered the lights to be turned off and Castiel lifted his head at just the right moment. The orange light formed a halo around his head, he was looking left and the soft light painted the window and walls behind him, the shadows where sharp where the light couldn’t reach, and it looked so beautiful Dean wanted to kiss someone. Castiel. He wanted to kiss Castiel.

All too soon the photoshoot was over and Castiel was dressing up. Dean was pulled aside by Chuck and Lorraine so he couldn’t sneakily watch that either. Not that he was planning to, that would’ve been creepy. Lorraine went through some stuff and Chuck said he was happy with what they got and that he wanted Dean to get the pictures, so he’d send them to him after they were all done, edited by professionals and such. Dean thanked him. Thanked Lorraine and went to the bathroom where he had cleverly left his stuff. He smoothed down his hair and pulled off the plaid, and he heard the door shut. It had been fun, but exhausting. Being alone sounded really good right now.

Dean stepped out of the bathroom. He leaned down to place his camera gently into his bag, and when he stood up he almost screamed. He hadn’t expected to see Castiel there and GOD the man was silent like a fucking cat. Castiel laughed, Dean smoothed out his terrified expression and replaced it with a faked frown. Castiel pulled his hoodie over his head and cocked his head as he looked at Dean. He squinted a bit.

“What?” Dean blurted out.

“Nothing. You’re good”, Castiel said.

“Uh. Thanks”, Dean said and he had hard time trying to look Castiel in the eyes. He saw Castiel walking closer and his defensive instincts kicked in, he looked up and faced Castiel. He was shorter than Dean, kind of lot shorter, but there was something in his eyes that assured Dean that he didn’t want to piss off this guy. Some kind of force. A hurricane disguised as a man, there was a storm in those eyes. Castiel stopped close to him and they just stared at each other for a long while. Castiel’s hair was messy, inviting Dean to run his fingers through his hair.

“If you ever need anyone to practice with, I volunteer”, Castiel said with his low voice. It was really deep.

“Thanks. I, I might need that”, Dean said and he didn’t really understand at all why he was so flustered. He flirted with girls all the time and he had always looked at guys just as much as chicks, so this shouldn’t be so different. Because Cas was clearly flirting a bit.

“My number. I’m expecting you to actually call me”, he said. He was looking up, dead in the eye. Dean felt a soft brush against his side, not too low for it to be uncomfortable, and he got a taste of how it could feel if Cas just grabbed him right then and there and kissed the Hell out of him. Dean stuttered a good bye and Cas left with a smug smile that Dean wanted to wipe off his face. He stood alone in the room with the piece of paper that had Cas’ number in it and pondered where he ended up to be a gay art student, but he shook his head and made sure the slip of paper was securely in his pocket before he left.

Dean walked the few blocks to his apartment and took the rattling elevator to his floor. He pretty much kicked the door open and his bad flew all the way across the room on his bed, the one behind the folding screen. Benny raised an eyebrow and continued to watch football as Dean collapsed on his bed, face in the pillow. Benny didn’t ask anything and Dean didn’t start talking, but after lying on his bed long enough to suffocate, he got up and grabbed a beer and joined Benny at the couch. The TV was small and shitty but it was good enough for them.

“That bad, huh?” Benny asked.

“No”, Dean said. “The opposite, really.”

“So why’d you commit suicide with your pillow?”

“I got the model’s number”, Dean said and took a huge sip of beer to avoid saying that the model was a guy. Benny didn’t know yet, Hell, Sammy didn’t know yet and they knew every single thing about each other. Okay well, Sam might have guessed when he nearly caught Dean kissing a guy but they were just standing really close to each other and Sam walked in on them after the kiss, so Dean liked to think Sam didn’t know either.

“Oh, so is she that hot?” Benny teased and bumped his shoulder against Dean’s.

“Well… yeah, but… yeah”, Dean mumbled. He could be a lot smoother, really.

“What? Come on, spit it out”, Benny said. Dean took another huge gulp of beer and then blurted out as fast as he could: “It’s a he.”

“Oh”, Benny said and turned his attention back to the TV. “So is HE that hot?”

“Yeah”, Dean said and he felt a huge wave of relief washing over him. Benny didn’t continue and Dean was thankful of that, they had become really good at reading each other. Benny didn’t even say anything when he found Dean lying on his bed twirling the paper with Cas’ number between his fingers. His phone was waiting on his other side, he was really pathetic. But Benny just grabbed his phone, the slip of paper and soon he handed the phone back. It was already calling and Dean didn’t even have time to yell at Benny.

The five beeps Dean counted were the longest of his life and he thought about ending the call about hundred times, but he was frozen to his position. Dean’s throat felt a bit tight but he shook himself and slapped himself mentally. It couldn’t be that bad asking a guy out, even though it was a guy, he had asked bunch of girls out, he wasn’t a coward. He may have been a bit nervous, but that was normal, right? There was nothing to freak out for –

_“Hello?”_

Shit. A lot to freak out for.

“Uh, hi. Is this Castiel?” Dean asked even though he knew very well it was Cas.

_“Yes, hello, Dean. I’ve been waiting for you to call me, you know that it’s very rude to keep people waiting”,_ Cas said and Dean felt himself relax.

“I’ve been really busy”, Dean claimed.

“No, you haven’t”, Benny yelled. Dean flipped him off.

_“Who’s that?”_ Cas asked and he sounded amused.

“That’s my shitty room-mate, ignore him and focus on me”, Dean said.

_“Okay then, pretty boy. Get to business and invite me out already.”_

“Okay. When are you free?”

_“This Friday, where are you taking me?”_

“We have access to studios so how about we take some pictures and go out for a burger after?” Dean suggested.

_“How romantic. I’m coming”,_ Cas said and Dean laughed.

“Well that was easy.”

_“I always come when you call, Dean. When do we start?”_

“Six o’clock?”

_“Perfect. Well, my friend’s waving at me frantically to come help with dishes, so see you on Friday.”_

“Bye bye. Have fun with the dishes”, Dean smirked and the phone started to beep. Dean ended the call and lied on the bed staring at the roof for a moment. He threw his phone at Benny when he started making kissing-noises. Dean was NOT blushing either.

~

Dean was fine until Friday when the clock was pointing at 17.58 and he was standing alone in the hall. Almost everyone had left already so Dean was alone and he kept throwing his phone and catching it almost every time. He was sitting on the seats by the wall in his usual position, slumped against the back-rest and head thumping against the wall, legs spread and his bag on the floor between them.

He had been thinking a lot. He wasn’t sure why he was so afraid of Cas, or more like the fact that he was a guy, but then he had decided that he wasn’t really even scared. He was just nervous. Maybe it was because Cas was different, he had never met anyone like that, and maybe it didn’t matter what gender he was when he was that fascinating. The way he had looked at Dean had got Dean interested and hot and – he was just going to shut up now. He could handle this without clearing every tiny emotion he felt, he had never been emotional, he could stop freaking out now.

Cas arrived a few minutes late and he apologized a lot. Dean smiled and said it was okay, and after a moment of staring into each other’s eyes, Dean shifted and suggested they’d go upstairs. Cas followed him to the elevator and the ride up was silent. Dean chose the studio in the highest floor, it was small, but Dean found it comfy. Besides the arm-chairs there were the most comfortable thing ever. He opened the door for Cas, who thanked him quietly, and they entered the room.

“So do you know what kind of pictures you want to take?” Cas asked and shrugged off his black leatherjacket.

“I have a few ideas”, Dean said.

“Nude?”

“If you’re comfortable with that.”

“Dean, you’ve already seen me naked. Besides, nudes are the ones I usually take so yeah, I should be comfortable with that”, Cas said and laughed a bit. He started taking off his clothes right away and Dean felt like he wasn’t supposed to look.

“Go on, check me out. That’s what we’re here for”, Cas said as he was staring at the roof above his messy hair. Dean let his eyes drop and he found himself watching Cas shake his hips to get the jeans down. Dean licked his lips and he already knew what he wanted to do. He instructed Cas to stand against the white wall and snapped a few pictures of Cas just looking at him. He adjusted the lights just a bit and ordered Cas to do something.

Cas turned out to be very flexible. He twisted himself to weird positions that looked painful, but he just laughed. They turned out to be nice pictures, though, kind of artistic. Dean’s favourite was one where Cas leaned back and dropped his head down so that you couldn’t see it and reached down and from between his legs, covered his dick with his hand. It just looked nice. Dean wanted to reach out and slide his hands all over Cas’ chest, but maybe that was too fast for first date. Then Dean realized what he was thinking and he had to take a few seconds to wonder when he had started passing opportunities to flirt and touch some skin. But then Cas was striking another pose and Dean raised his camera to snap a picture.

They stayed in the studio for almost an hour. In between the pictures they asked each other questions and chatted, and Cas was really cool. He was nice and cocky, but he seemed a lot softer than what Dean’s first impression was. He cared about everyone’s feelings and he wanted good things to happen to everyone, and he was fiercely protective over the people he loved. Soon Dean made a mental note to never get in a fight with Cas, his muscles were enough to give the impression that he was strong, but then he told he practiced martial arts and that he had practiced boxing, and Cas got really scary.

They continued talking when they went out for a burger. Dean would’ve wanted to go somewhere fancier than a sloppy burger-bar across the street, but when Cas got his cheeseburgers, he looked more than happy. He had a goofy smile on his face and he just said “I like these very much” and Dean found that incredibly cute. They kept talking until they didn’t, which left them eating in silence. It didn’t bother Dean because it felt somehow nice to have a silence that didn’t have Dean sweating from trying to think of something to say. He didn’t feel like he had to fill everything with mindless babbling, just looking at Cas and eating his burger was nice. It was calm.

“Well then, Dean”, Cas said when they were standing outside Dean’s apartment. Cas’ bus-stop was just on the other side of the road.

“Yeah”, Dean said. “Yeah, this was nice.”

“Do you want to see again? I’d like to”, Cas said. Dean smiled.

“Yeah, sure. Do you want to plan the next one?” he asked.

“Of course. I’ll call you next week and we can schedule it”, Cas promised. Dean nodded and they were left to stand in silence again. Dean couldn’t help but notice that Cas’ eyes were really blue. And all of sudden he wanted to ask Cas to stay and come up with him, talk some more. Cas smiled a bit and then he stood up. Dean couldn’t even lean down before Cas’ lips were on his and maybe it was fast, but it felt good. It was nothing more than just a quick peck. Then Cas was already walking towards his bus-stop. Dean went home.

“How was the date?” Benny asked.

“Nice. Good. We took some pictures again”, Dean said and went straight to the fridge.

“I see, I see”, Benny chuckled. Dean punched his shoulder when he walked past.

“Not like that.”

“So there was no nakedness involved?”

“Well… Cas was naked but –“

“Kinky, aren’t you?”

“Shut the fuck up, Benny, and go suck a dick. We didn’t fuck.”

“Oh, so you’re serious about him?” Benny asked and his tone changed so much that Dean turned to look at him. He was sitting on the couch staring at Dean.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, usually you just fuck whoever you go out with”, Benny shrugged. “Now you didn’t. Does this mean you’re actually serious about him? You didn’t want to rush it and all that crap.”

“No, we just… didn’t”, Dean said. He didn’t feel like explaining that he hadn’t actually had that much sex with guys.

“Okay. Are you going out again?” Benny asked and okay, clearly he just knew.

“Yeah. Next week”, Dean mumbled.

“I’d say you are kinda serious”, Benny said and Dean shrugged.

“I don’t know yet. Can’t hurt to see how it’ll turn out, but I don’t do that dating shit”, he said and finally settled on some microwave pizza. Benny stole a piece and they started to watch some stupid hospital soap-opera. It wasn’t that bad, even though Dean would never admit that. Doctor Sexy was hot and Benny kept teasing him about it so much that Dean had to hook his arm around Benny’s neck.

Cas invited Dean to his place. He lived alone maybe half an hour away by bus, and he promised to cook for Dean. Dean appreciated that, he had had to learn to cook for Sam and himself when dad was out, but he wasn’t that good. He could keep himself alive with very little, but that didn’t mean that he knew how to make stuff taste good. Anyway Cas cooked beef and vegetables, not too fancy, but it was actually good. And just like that, Cas seeped into Dean’s head and under his skin. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was quickly developing a weak spot for Cas.

Even though Cas lived alone, they didn’t go to bed. This was some kind of record for Dean, they had seen three times and still hadn’t had sex. They did kiss again, when Dean was leaving. This time Dean was the one to start and it lasted a lot longer, but it was still just lips on lips. Dean rested his hand on Cas’ neck and got a feel of that gorgeous, messy hair, and he couldn’t help but run his fingers through it. Cas grasped his jacket, pulling him closer. Dean was also the one to stop. Cas pouted a bit but then he smiled and let go of Dean. During the ride home, Dean kept thinking about Cas’ face, his eyes, his lips, the way they moved against his, and overall just everything about Cas. It was stupid and cheesy, but thinking about Cas felt only embarrassing, not wrong, so he didn’t try to stop himself.

Dean kept getting new gigs. He still went to school, but half of the things he did there were related to whatever he was working on at the time. Lorraine was very proud of him, Dean could see it from her face whenever she checked Dean’s work, and she kept giving him tips even when she wasn’t supposed to. She put Dean’s artwork up on the walls all the time and even his classmates started showing interest. Dean had never been unpopular, he always made friends quickly (maybe because they had moved so often so if he wanted to have friends, he had to rush) and usually he was known for getting it on with the popular girls.

The holidays crept closer. Dean was so invested in work and arranging time to see Cas every now and then that he almost forgot he was supposed to go back to Kansas. Few days before his freedom, also known as holidays, Bobby called him and reminded him about the visit, and said he had moved money on Dean’s bank account for flight tickets, Dean remembered he had to fly to get there. Dean didn’t bother to pack until the last night. Benny was gone and Dean had invited Cas over for the first time, to see his place. It felt like he had to, he had seen where Cas lived and it was time for Cas to where he lived. They had now been seeing each other for almost a month and Dean had dropped every other relationship he had had.

They kept having private photoshoots. Dean liked them as much as the evenings they spent together on Cas’ couch spooning and watching Dr. Sexy, or the nights they stayed up late in lousy restaurants. Cas also posed for Dean for his art-project where he had to draw different things with coal, and even if Dean said it himself, the drawing was pretty good. In Dean’s opinion it was good because Cas looked so good and the curves and harsh parts were perfect, Cas thought it was good because Dean had drawn so well.

Their relationship was easily the most affectionate one Dean had ever had. Not that he had had lots of relationships like that, it hadn’t been serious before (okay, once, but the girl dumped him) and now it was. Dean didn’t even realize how serious it was before one evening he was standing in Cas’ doorway and they were hugging. They had been hugging for a long time, but they just didn’t seem to be able to let go. And the moment Dean realized he was embracing Cas, stroking his hair and looking at him with one of those gross, sappy faces, he understood that he was actually falling in love. Sure it had started out as a weird crush and developed into a normal relationship, and they called each other boyfriends already, but falling in love? Already? It seemed stupid and reckless and very teenager kind of thing, even though Dean was 21 and Cas 23, and it should be getting serious, but it felt so soon. Dean had always taught that maybe he just wasn’t able to fall in love but here he was. Here he was indeed, holding a man close to his chest and not wanting to let go.

So, with Cas in his apartment Dean had hard time trying not to think about the fact that Cas had made it clear that he was up for sex. Dean wasn’t sure what it was, but he kept saying no. Okay, well, Cas hadn’t asked straightforward if Dean wanted to go to bed, but it was pretty clear. Dean had tried to explain it to himself but he had given up and decided he could think about it later. It felt a bit weird not to have sex all the time, but that was all. And it wasn’t that Dean didn’t want Cas, he did, Cas was hot and the way he made Dean want to drop on his knees was hot, but something was holding Dean back.

“So, you’re leaving tomorrow”, Cas said after they had sat down on the bed. Dean nodded.

“And you’re coming back in a week?” Cas asked and Dean felt like he was trying to say something here.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Just, you know, I want to clear this out before you leave.”

Dean felt sudden rush of fear. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good if it started like that. But Dean turned to face Cas completely.

“There’s something going on with you. I’m not saying it's bad or wrong, but you’re avoiding any kind of sexual situations with me”, Cas said and Dean felt like he should’ve seen this coming. “So, you know, you could at least tell me what’s going on.”

“I, uh… it's nothing”, Dean said. Probably the worst excuse he had ever given. Cas didn’t even need to say anything, just look at Dean disapprovingly.

“No, look… I don't really know. I just… kind of do”, Dean sighed. He hoped he could get away with that, but of course he couldn’t.

“Is it me?” Cas asked calmly.

“What? No, you’re hot, it’s not that.”

“Okay. Is it because I’m a guy?”

“What makes you think it’d be that?”

“Day one, you were already flustered and tripping over your feet and you just looked really confused. So if this the first time you’re with a guy –“ Cas said and still looked calm.

“No, no, it’s not that either. It’s just… I don't do this whole – going out and – seeing each other kind of thing. It's always casual and – it's just a bit –“ Dean kept squirming. “ – a bit difficult. But, you know, I kind of like you here and – well, it's just that –“

“You don’t want to fuck it up”, Cas said softly. “You want to make it good.”

“Yeah”, Dean said, eased that he didn’t have to say that out loud. It sounded somehow wrong coming out of his mouth. Feelings weren’t masculine and talking about them was even less masculine, so it had always been bit of a problem for Dean, seen as his dad didn’t approve not-masculine stuff.

“You could’ve told me. I’m not blaming you or anything, but I think you should be able to talk to me”, Cas said.

“It’s difficult for me. Not just talking to you, but all that love-dovey crap isn’t for me”, Dean said. Cas snorted.

“So, if I can ask, do you really think waiting will make sex somehow better or are you just shy?” he asked. Dean was unable to answer for a moment.

“Um, maybe I’m – yeah, I don't know”, he ended up saying which was, once again, one of his masterpieces. Cas seemed to rob him from his smoothness.

“Where I’m getting at is that if you feel ready, maybe we could have sex before you leave”, Cas said and Dean gulped. “Not that a week is too long for me to go without, but I feel like that might relax you a bit. You’ve seemed nervous ever since you told you’ll have to fly to Kansas. And I really, really want to have sex with you.”

“Okay”, Dean just blurted out.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. We can have sex.”

“Okay, good. Then lie down.”

And waiting went right out the window, like did Dean’s nervousness. This he knew how to do, giving pleasure was one of the things Dean was secretly proud of. People fell into his bed easily, and when he fell into someone’s bed, the result was just as good. Dean had always been submissive, and that had also caused some problems because masculine guys should dominate whatever happened in bed, but Dean decided to say fuck that because he liked being manhandled a lot more that being the one doing it.

Cas moved over Dean and leaned down to kiss him. They had been doing that a lot and Cas’ lips felt familiar, good. He pulled Dean’s tee off, threw it aside and ordered Dean to stay still. Dean didn’t feel uncomfortable when Cas examined every inch of his body and he felt everything but uncomfortable when Cas started to kiss down his chest. Dean stroked Cas’ hair, he couldn’t get enough of twisting Cas’ head a bit and feeling the locks under his hand.

They were naked in a second. Things got heated quickly, hands wandered, lips followed. Dean couldn’t get enough from tasting Cas, his lips or his skin, it didn’t matter. He slid his lips on Cas’ skin, along his jawline, as Cas’ hand wandered even lower. He was comfortable between Dean’s legs and now his hand slid down to Dean’s thigh. He rubbed the skin gently, sliding his fingers closer and closer to Dean’s hole, until his hand grabbed a handful of Dean’s ass. Dean hissed and lifted his hips to give Cas better access. Cas took the opportunity and after getting some lube from Dean, he slid the first finger in. Dean closed his eyes as he dropped his head against the pillow. It was getting darker outside and the only light in the room was the small lamp on Dean’s nightstand. Dean focused on how Cas’ fingers felt in him and rocked back a bit to show he was good. Even though Cas was almost rough at times, he seemed to be slowing down for Dean, as if he was worried that Dean might shy out. As if, Cas felt too good now.

“Come on now, big boy”, Dean groaned when Cas kept kissing his hipbone and twisting his fingers inside Dean.

“Tell me what you want”, Cas ordered. Dean swallowed before he was able to get anything out, Cas’ deep, rough voice was doing things to Dean.

“You.”

Cas chuckled. “You’re not going to get away with that. Spell it out.”

“I want your cock in me. I want you to hurry the fuck up and fuck me already”, Dean hissed. Cas was hitting just the right spot, and it made Dean want to grab Cas’ hair and pull him up his body to get him moving.

Cas seemed to be good with that. He dragged his lips on Dean’s skin, barely touching, all the way up to his lips. There Dean grabbed his hair but before he could take any kind of control, Cas was already sliding his tongue between Dean’s lips. Dean was more than fine with that, especially when Cas moved closer and his hand moved to rest on his hip. Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’ waist and dropped his head back against the pillow. Cas started to push in. Dean bit his lip, Cas leaned down to kiss his neck gently all the while holding him close, whispering praises into his ear every time his lips travelled up Dean’s neck.

Cas was very gentle. He started with gentle thrusts, trying out, rubbing Dean’s hip and kissing his neck. Dean moved his hips to get him to move faster, harder, but Cas didn’t. With the way he had been dominating Dean just moment ago, Dean would’ve expected him to be a lot rougher.

“Relax”, Cas suddenly murmured into his ear. “Relax, baby, you’re all tensed. We can stop any time, you just gotta say.”

“Don’t even think about stopping”, Dean hissed.

Dean could feel Cas smile against his neck. But he followed Cas’ advice and willed himself to relax, even though he hadn’t even noticed he was tensed, and before he knew it, he was moaning loudly. It took a while to find the right rhythm, one that made them both pant, but they found it. Dean learned exactly how to move his body to make Cas grunt and Cas picked on the small hints that Dean liked to be held close, and his arms wrapped around Dean even tighter.

It didn’t take all that long until Dean was a moaning mess. Cas appreciated the sounds, Dean could tell, so he didn’t try to keep anything in. He rolled his hips to meet Cas’ thrusts and dug his nails into Cas’ shoulder. Cas moved harder. His hand gripped Dean’s hip tighter, his face was buried in Dean’s shoulder. He was breathing heavily and Dean had to bite his lip because the small grunts and pants were really seeping under his skin. It was too much, too much, he didn’t stop to ask permission, just slid his hand down and wrapped it around his cock. Cas bit down on his shoulder and pressed a wet kiss over the mark seconds later. Dean swallowed difficultly and his hand moved faster. He was already close, but then Cas’ hand joined Dean’s and there was no chance Dean could last through that. He let himself go completely, he arched against Cas’ body and he bit his lip hard. He could feel the warm liquid land on his stomach. Just moment later he could feel Cas still, hold him even closer and bite down again, and then his body slumped on top of Dean’s. Dean just wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck. He didn’t mind staying close like this for a second.

Cas dealt with the condom while Dean lazed around in bed. Cas hadn’t meant to stay the night, but Dean didn’t want him to leave and he didn’t want to leave. They put on their shirts in case Benny came home before they woke up and then they spooned on Dean’s small bed. Dean pressed his chest against Cas’ back happily. He kissed his neck gently and Cas chuckled tiredly.

~

Dean woke up to the sound of talking. At first he thought Benny had brought someone over, but then he realized that there was no one beside him and that it was the other way around. Dean sat up and tried to force his eyes open. He kept blinking until he could see something. Crawling out of bed felt a lot more difficult than usually, it wasn’t his sore backside, but the fact that his best friend was surely telling Cas shitty stories at the very moment and he had to prevent that. Dean got a cup of coffee before he plopped down between Cas and Benny. He was kind of glad he wasn’t the only one not wearing pants thanks to Cas, but knowing how often he was naked made him thank some higher power that he at least had his boxers on.

“Easy there, not trying to steal your man”, Benny said. Dean could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Shut up”, Dean grunted.

“Manners, Dean, or you’ll lose him without anyone stealing him”, Benny commented and Dean almost gave in to the urge to throw the coffee at him. But then he’d have to get up to get more coffee, so he didn’t.

“So how were you embarrassing me this time?” Dean asked. Cas pressed his leg against Dean’s.

“I wasn’t. I told him to treat you like a princess and that if you came home crying and saying he hurt you, I’d be after him in a second”, Benny said lightly and Dean facepalmed.

“You’re not my dad”, he complained.

“Someone ought to be”, Benny said and Dean’s heart thumped uncomfortably against his ribcage. “I’m taking the job and even if I wasn’t, I’d tell him the exact same thing. He better treat you well.”

“I think he’s not believing me when I say I’ll do my best”, Cas murmured.

“Yeah, I think so too, but he’s so thick that he doesn’t understand, you have to forgive him”, Dean mumbled. Benny laughed.

Dean kissed Cas good bye when he left, right there in front of Benny, and it felt surprisingly good.  Cas’ thumb brushed Dean’s chin as he pulled away and Cas looked happy. Dean tried to hide his smile long after Cas had left, but of course it was in vain, Benny knew he was smiling even if he couldn’t see him. And even though Dean was heading to a plane, he was still happy because of Cas. Love did stupid things.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean sees his family again and accidentally comes out, but Dean navigates through the situation smoothly because he is so smooth anyways. Dean also meets Cas' family and learns that Cas certainly isn't the only weird one in his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to continue :D anyway here's the next chapter, again if you have any ideas/improvements, please tell

Seeing Sam and Bobby was something Dean had really looked forward to and when he finally got to pull Sam into a hug? Yeah, worth the flight. Sam groaned and tried to push Dean away, and Dean of course forced him to stay and ruffled his hair. Bobby chuckled and shook his head. They hugged too and Bobby patted his back.

"Good to see you, kiddo", he murmured into Dean's ear.

"Good to see you too", Dean said and he couldn't help smiling. They climbed into Bobby's car (Dean tackled Sam for the front seat and won) and it didn't take long for them to get home. Dean threw his bags at Sam who started to carry them all the while mumbling grumpily. Bobby shook his head again. They had prepared a meal they only needed to warm up so Dean got to eat right away. He couldn't process how happy he was for just that short moment.

"So how's school?" Bobby asked while handing a beer to Dean. Dean collapsed on the couch. Sam moved reluctantly.

"Good. I'm getting professional gigs already", Dean told. "The coolest teacher helped me out and got me a proper gig, you know, and they liked it. Shortly, I'm awesome."

"Shut up, asshat, anyone can take a picture", Sam said, but Dean knew he was teasing. Sam had seen some of his pictures and he'd been one of Dean's biggest supporters.

"You can't, jerkface, your pictures are always wonky and the lighting is stupid."

"You're stupid."

"Come on now, boys. Good job, Dean, we're proud", Bobby said. Weird, warm feeling seized Dean and he hid his smile behind his plaid's collar.

"How about you, Sammy? What's up with you?" Dean asked.

"Nothing much. School's good, I'm fine. I have a girlfriend", Sam said.

"You what?" Dean spat out. Bobby coughed behind them.

"Yeah. Her name's Jess", Sam mumbled.

“YOU got a girlfriend? Seriously? Is she blind and as socially awkward as you?” Dean laughed. Sam whacked him with a pillow, hard. He was also red on the face. Ooh, Sammy was   
serious. 

“At least I HAVE a girlfriend, you fucking loner”, Sam said

“I’ve had tons of girlfriends”, Dean quickly said. 

“Sleeping with them once or twice doesn’t count as dating”, Bobby said from behind them. “But good, Sam, why didn’t you bring her over? We would’ve loved to meet her.” 

“Bobby! He’s 17, he’s not supposed to be having serious relationships yet”, Dean cried out and whacked Sam with the pillow he had just stolen to stop getting beaten up with it. Sam blushed even more. 

“Yeah, you are supposed to start having serious relationships and you’re not doing that so you can shut the Hell up”, Sam said and Dean kept whacking him with the pillow. 

“You don’t know a shit about my life, you fucktruck”, Dean grunted. 

“Don’t curse that much when he’s here, Dean”, Bobby sighed. 

“What? You saying you are in a stable relationship, huh? You couldn’t do that”, Sam mumbled and tried to hide his face so Dean couldn’t reach it. 

“Ask my boyfriend about that”, Dean said. Then he realized what he just let out of his mouth. He jumped up, ran right out of the door and straight into Bobby’s huge backyard where he kept his cars. Dean grabbed the toolpack and skateboard and run to the furthest corner. He didn’t bother changing to worse clothing, it was a messy job to fix cars, he just lied down on the skateboard and slid under the car in one swift movement. 

Dean ended up fixing the car for about two hours without interruptions. He focused on it fully, he didn’t let his attention go anywhere else but the mechanics of the car, because it made it feel almost like he didn’t just accidentally come out to his family. The only times he came out from under the car was when he needed tools. He made those visits to outside world as quick as possible and was relieved when he could just slide under the car without interruptions. But after a moment Dean could see a pair of feet standing by the car. Dean refused to acknowledge them and ignored Sammy happily. 

“Dean”, Sam called out after a while, kicking the car lightly. 

“What?” Dean grumbled. 

“You know… sorry. For saying those things”, Sam said. 

“It’s okay. Leave me alone.” 

“No”, Sam said and sat down next to the car. “You’re my brother. You could tell me that stuff, you know.” 

“No, I couldn’t.” 

“What’s stopping you? Because I don’t care if you’re dating a guy.” 

“You don’t know anything about that, Sammy.” 

“I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to start disliking you just because of that. Besides, I’ve always kind of known. Walking in on you kissing a guy doesn’t really leave questions, does it”, Sam said and leaned to look at Dean under the car. Dean just kept twisting the nut tighter on its’ place. Dean didn’t say anything. 

“Bobby doesn’t care either. He didn’t know but you know, he’s totally fine with it. You might want to talk to him, he’s getting worried”, Sam said and his voice was weirdly soft. There was another long silence. 

“It’s dad, isn’t it?” Sam asked quietly. Dean dropped his arms and stared at the floor of the car above him. 

“Yeah. He beat me up when he found me with that dude from the drama, if you remember. So I just said I was really drunk and high and he let it pass”, Dean said. Sam nudged his   
leg. 

“But he’s not here. He’s a bad dad, but Bobby isn’t”, he said. Dean pulled himself from under the car. 

“Dad’s trying hard to keep us alive.” 

“Yeah, and beating you up all the time and drinking until he passes out. That’s not good parenting, Dean”, Sam frowned. 

“What would you do? Mom burned on the fucking ceiling, Sammy, and no one still knows what the Hell was going on that night!” Dean spat out. Sam raised his arms halfway to show he was backing down and Dean let his head drop against the ground. 

“Anyway, don’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know”, Dean mumbled. 

“I’m not going to. So, uh… what’s his name?” Sam asked slowly. 

“Castiel”, Dean said and his voice sounded really soft even to his own ears. “He’s a model. He worked on the first real gig I had.” 

“How long have you been together?” 

“I’m not sure. A few months.” 

“Next time, are you bringing him over if I bring Jess?” Sam asked and Dean knew he was smirking without looking. 

“You’re 17, Sammy, how serious can you be with her?” Dean complained. 

“Yeah, I don’t know. Pretty serious for now”, Sam shrugged. Dean accepted that and agreed to come back inside. Bobby was watching football from TV and didn’t say anything when Dean sat back on the couch with a beer, this time covered in oil and sweat. 

“So, you bringing your boy over soon?” Bobby asked while sipping his beer. 

“Dunno. I might”, Dean said quietly. “If you really want to see him.” 

“Of course we do”, Bobby said and reached out to ruffle Dean’s hair. Dean pushed his hand away, but Bobby just laughed. And it was all good.   
Dean spent his days fixing cars in Bobby’s huge garage and just playing stupid sports with Sam. He was especially paying attention to a ‘69 Impala that was once his father’s. Now it was sitting in Bobby’s garage getting rusty and Dean didn’t like it, it was a gorgeous car. Bobby promised that he could have the car if he could reach John, he had been away for a long time now. So Dean took care of the car and hoped really hard. 

Once he was under the car again when his phone rang. He didn’t think much of it, just yelled at Sam to get it. He heard Sam talking, too, but he was still focused on the car. He was actually fully focused on the car 100 percent until he heard Sam yell. 

“IT’S YOUR BOYFRIEND!” 

Dean banged his head to the car on his way of rolling out. He also rolled over his own fingers and still wasn’t in time to stop Sam from saying stupid things. He heard Sam chatting with Cas, but then he was already in front of Dean, awful grin on his face. Dean reached up without a word and Sam dropped the phone. Dean would deal with him later. 

“Hi”, Dean said and tried to wipe oil off his hands. 

_“Hi”_ , a familiar voice said. Dean smiled involuntarily. 

“How’s it going? I hope Sammy wasn’t stupid”, Dean said and leaned against the door of the car. 

_“He was very nice. Said you’ve been blushing every time he mentions me because you kind of came out”_ , Cas said. The fucker sounded amused. 

“He’s lying”, Dean immediately said. “I did tell them, though. I completely meant to, also, so don’t believe Sam if he says it was an accident.” 

_“Whatever you say. How’d it go? Well?”_

“Yeah, good. They’re good with it”, Dean said and he still felt this kind of warmness spreading all over his chest. “But yeah, enough about me. Did you call for a reason or just to chat?” 

_“I have a reason, actually. You know, I was supposed to stay home, right? Well, my siblings thought it’d be hilarious if they popped in for a visit and dragged me over to our family-house. So, right now, I’m about two hour drive from Kansas”_ , Cas said. He sounded pissed off, but his voice got softer towards the end. 

“Okay. You wanna see or?” Dean asked, because he felt there was something else here. 

_“Well, more of come over there. Or you come over here. Anyway is fine, just as long as I don’t have to be alone with my family”,_ Cas said, or more like begged. _“I’ll do anything you want if you save me now, I don’t want to spend a family christmas, it’s Hell. Please, Dean. I need you.”_

“Okay, okay”, Dean laughed. “I could come pick you up. When do you want me to leave?” 

_“Uh, now? As soon as you can”,_ Cas said. _“You don’t have to if you don’t want to bring me over yet. I’m just begging and all.”_

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine, they’ve been asking when they will see you anyway”, Dean smirked.“You’re going to go through a major questioning, you know that, right?” 

_“Doesn’t matter. Anything’s better than to be stuck here an -”_

There was lots of shuffling and weird noises and some yelling further from the phone, then a loud bang and some giggling. Dean frowned at his phone. 

_“Hi, sorry, this is Anna. Anna Milton, Cas’ older sister. It’s my duty to try to hit on you”,_ a voice said. Dean snorted. 

“Sweetie, I’m the one doing the picking up. No exceptions”, he said. 

_“Oh, lovely. So, just to make sure, you’re Cassie’s boyfriend? The one he told he had but refused to say anything more about?”_ Anna asked. 

“That’s me”, Dean said. 

_“OK, great - quick, tell me something I can use to embarrass Cas”_ , Anna panted and it sounded like she was running. From the background he could hear Cas yelling _“YOU’RE TWENTY FUCKING FIVE!”_ and some steps. Dean smirked. 

“Sorry, darling. My lips are sealed”, he said. Right after he closed his mouth he could hear, a lot closer than before _“DEAN, WHATEVER SHE SAYS JUST SHUT UP!”_. It was truly amusing. Then there was some more weird noises, shuffling, grunting, and finally panting near the speaker. Dean waited, still smirking. 

_“Just text me when you can come get me and I’ll tell the directions”_ , Cas mumbled and the phone beeped. Dean laughed quietly and shook his head a bit as he stuck his phone to his pocket. Maybe he could forgive Sam, just make sure that it could never happen again. Dean left the car, it was just about done anyway, and went inside. He’d have to tell Bobby they were getting more company over here. Sam was meeting with some of his old friends, too, but hopefully they wouldn’t stay for long. Dean decided that it wasn’t too late to go get Cas, so he just leaned on the doorframe of Bobby’s working room. Bobby quickly closed the book he’d been reading and stuck it to one of the huge drawers. He’d always been secretive about his job, just like dad. 

“Don’t try to look all cool for me, kid”, Bobby said grumpily. 

“I’m not trying to. I just need to talk”, Dean said. 

“Anytime”, Bobby said. He probably thought Dean wanted to open up about his recent coming out. 

“It’s just, uh, Cas… well, he’s nearby here. He asked if he could come over”, Dean said. Bobby raised his eyebrows. 

“Bring him over. Make sure he knows I’m holding a shotgun here”, Bobby grunted. Dean smiled widely, and even if he looked like a kid then, he didn’t care. 

“I’m going to get him now. We’ll be back in the evening”, he just said and ran out. He quickly texted Cas that he’d be coming there soon and Cas answered with the address. Dean knew about where it was. He jumped on the front seat of the Impala, his Baby, and he stopped just to listen to her purring. After enjoying that for a moment, he started driving. 

Dean loved driving. He rolled one window open, just a bit, enough to feel the wind throw his hair and collar around. He had to close it soon because it started snowing, but it was good for as long as it lasted. Dean had only taken his father’s leatherjacket, but he never used other coats. He liked this one, it made him feel like a man. Dean glanced at his reflection on mirror and realized he had left without a shower, he was still in his rubbish clothes and covered in oil and grease. He stopped on a gas station to clean up a bit and then continued on his way. He blasted music from the radio as loud as his ears could take it and sang along too. 

His voice was rough when he pulled in front of the house he was pretty sure was Cas’. He found out he was right when the door opened seconds after he had stepped out of his car. Cas was standing in the hall with one of his brothers, or that’s what Dean guessed. Dean wrapped the jacket tighter around himself and made sure the keys were safely in his pocket. Only then he walked inside, where Cas was standing with a beaten look on his face. He pouted when Dean stepped in, but it melted into a smile when Dean pulled him into a hug. Of course, a week wasn’t a long time, but it still felt nice to see. 

“Okay, enough, enough, he’s still my little brother”, the dude said. Dean let go of Cas and took the hand he was offered. 

“I’m Gabriel, third oldest”, he said. 

“Dean Winchester”, Dean said, even though he was still kind of pondering if he was really a Winchester or more of a Singer. Bobby had taken better care of him than John, by far. 

“Nice to meet you, Dean. I’ve heard a lot from you”, Gabriel said and his eyes were flashing in a manner that made Dean want to curl his hand around the knife he always had with him. It was the same kind of force that Cas had in his eyes, especially when he was angry, but on Gabriel it was a lot more on the surface. It almost looked like he had trouble trying to hold it in whereas Cas always seemed to hide it. They had never spoken a word about it, mainly because it felt stupid no matter how Dean tried to word it, but then again it was probably mostly his imagination. 

“You haven’t, I’ve told you nothing”, Cas mumbled. Gabriel laughed. 

“Whatever. Nice catch anyway, Cassie”, he chuckled before turning around and leaving them standing in the hallway. Cas looked like he just wanted to get out possibly soon. 

“I’ve got to introduce you to everyone”, Cas said quietly. He hesitated for a moment before he took Dean’s hand and pulled him into the joined kitchen-living room. There was a lot of people there. Michael, the oldest, he looked at Dean calmly but intensely, so focused that it made Dean uncomfortable. Lucifer (the name? Really?) was smiling similar to Gabriel but way nastier, even though his behaviour was nice and friendly in every way. He made Dean even more wary. Then there was Rafael and Uriel, both quiet but very much disapproving, then Anna, a redhead who seemed very different now. Her voice sounded different too, now she was looking at Dean wide-eyed and wary. Dean didn’t like the change. 

After that Cas grabbed Dean’s hand again and dragged him upstairs. The house was huge, a lot bigger than either of their homes or even Bobby’s home, which was big. They grabbed Cas’ luggage and carried it downstairs. They managed to load it into Baby and then it was time to leave. Dean wasn’t sorry at all when Cas refused to stay for dinner. Dean waved at everyone, Michael’s eyes stayed on him, as did Lucifer’s, but then Cas slammed the door shut and dragged Dean to Baby. They jumped in and Dean pulled out of the nice yard. They were both silent for a moment. 

“Well, they didn’t like me very much”, Dean said. 

“It’s not that”, Cas said quickly. A tiny bit too quickly. 

“It’s okay if they don’t. That doesn’t matter, does it? We can be without their approval”, Dean said but then he wasn’t sure if he was being too insensitive. Cas never talked about   
his family but neither did Dean. 

“Yeah, but it’s really not that they dislike you”, Cas said. He looked uncomfortable. 

“Okay, then what is it?” Dean pressed. Cas fidgeted in his seat. 

“They don’t like that you’re… gay, you know?” Dean asked. Cas shook his head. 

“They don’t care. Can we not talk about my family?” 

“Okay. Fine with me.” 

They drove in silence until Dean turned on the radio. He let Cas pick the music even though he didn’t like the same bands as Dean. The mood lightened quickly and Dean found himself smiling again. Cas had been nice to be with from the start, maybe not easy to be with, he was kind of antisocial and weird at times, but Dean trusted him. Dean trusted him with his life and that was the biggest praise you could get from him. He hadn’t fallen straight away, even though there had definitely been attraction, but now it was just pure love.   
The thing with the two of them was that they could be themselves. And that they knew they could count on each other, they needed each other. Dean needed Cas to keep him from falling into darkness and Cas needed Dean to stop him from living in the clouds. The world seemed to disagree and kept putting obstacles on their way, but they found a way to go around them. They always found a way back to each other. Dean knew it was stupid, but he’d give his life for Cas. 

Dean ended up taking a short detour to get some more time for just the two of them. He did get them home eventually, besides, Cas agreed to get as much time for them as possible. He didn’t seem nervous when they took his luggage and started to carry it towards the house. Bobby lived kind of away from everything on a big property, so it was very different to where Dean had just picked Cas up. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but it was still chilly. Sam rushed out and offered to take Cas’ bag. Dean was pretty sure that Bobby had told him to do it, but it was fine anyway because Sam was out of the way for now. 

Bobby was waiting in the kitchen. The dinner was ready. Bobby and Cas shook hands and Cas was very polite until Bobby told him to act like he did when he was only with Dean.   
Sam arrived in the kitchen just in time to hear that and hit Dean on the way to his seat, saying he didn’t want to see what they did alone. Dean threw him with a carrot. 

“So, Cas. Dean told you met in a photoshoot”, Bobby said. 

“Yes, we did. I’m a model to get money for studying”, Cas said and Dean was just really thankful that Cas left out what kind of photos he posed for. He didn’t get to be happy for a long time. 

“What kind of photos do you have? Clothes and fashion?” Bobby asked and yeah, he meant good, but for God’s sake. 

“Uh, no. Nudes mostly”, Cas told. Sam choked on his food. 

“They’re artistic”, Dean said quickly. His cheeks were red too, he could tell. Bobby left the subject and they ate in silence for a moment. Then Bobby started talking about something else. Dean was thankful again and took part in the conversation to stop it going anywhere it didn’t need to go. Like Cas’ modeling career.   
They watched telly in the evening, they had beers, Bobby questioned Cas but stayed out of his work. Cas studied literature and history and he was good at them. He wouldn’t say that so Dean made sure to let Bobby know that Cas got good grades. Bobby understood it, too, or he better had because Dean said it at least three times. Maybe four. Enough, anyway. But he was proud so he got to praise Cas all he wanted. 

They moved a bed from another room to where Dean lived. He had had this room as his own ever since he could remember, because of course they never stayed anywhere with John long enough for them to buy a house. John hadn’t ever really told what he did, but Dean knew it involved lots of fighting, weapons and illegal stuff as well as John never being there. Something catchy, too, because Dean wasn’t stupid. Sam may have been the clever one, but Dean saw that John lived a very much illegal life. 

Not that they needed that bed, though. They ended up cuddling on Dean’s bed, under a warm blanket (and the door locked in case Sam decided to be a bitch). They didn’t say anything. Cas’ hair was damp from the shower and it smelled like his shampoo strongly, and Dean memorized the smell. Creepy, maybe, but whatever. Cas’ head was resting on Dean’s chest and his arm was under Dean, crooked awkwardly, but Cas said he didn’t want to move. Dean’s one arm was in Cas’ hair gently massaging, one around his waist under the blanket, on Cas’ hip. It was nice, calm and quiet. Dean drifted into sleep without any trouble. 

He had a nightmare. He was standing in a room, it was dimly light with chains and ropes everywhere, bloody hooks dangling in the air and high pitched screams echoed everywhere. Dean couldn’t see much of anything else. The walls were deep red mixed with grey and black, and it was awfully hot. It just got hotter and hotter until Dean could feel his skin melting off, his bones burning and turning into ash, but he remained. He was still there. He knew Sam was in danger but that if he hadn’t gone here, Sam would have, and he was happy with the choice he made. Dean could see the floor descending, but he stayed where he was, until he was in the air with the hooks. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even shout. And then, in the floor, he saw his mother in her white nightgown, with a bloody slash on her abdomen, just staring at Dean in terror. Then fire, fire all around her, she was burning in the ceiling and Dean was glued to the floor, watching helplessly as his mother burned, and he couldn’t even scream. 

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and the next thing Dean knew was that he was sitting on his bed panting like crazy. He was trying to look for his mother, she had been directly in front of him, but there was nothing there. Just darkness and the outlines of his room. Then Dean realized that there was a hand on his chest and shoulder, squeezing tightly. For a second Dean could swear that it burned, but then it went away and when Dean looked, Cas moved his hand. There was nothing there. 

“Dean?” Cas just asked gently. He was sitting too and he looked worried. 

“N-no - I’m fine, I’m fine”, Dean breathed out. He couldn’t get more voice out of his chest. 

“Dean, it’s okay. You’re safe with me”, Cas murmured and his arms wrapped around Dean. “No one’s hurt, Sam’s not in trouble.” 

“What?” Dean mumbled. He moved his hand over Cas’ and squeezed his fingers. 

“You were whispering names. You kept calling Sam and then mom”, Cas said quietly. His other hand massaged Dean’s lower back. 

“Shit”, Dean groaned. “I’m sorry. You can go back to sleep, it’s okay.” 

“I don’t think it is”, Cas said quietly. He pulled Dean down next to him, and Dean didn’t fight. He rolled sideways to face Cas and was welcomed with a kiss. Dean didn’t fight that either. 

“You seem pretty shaken. Do you want to talk?” Cas asked. 

“No. It was just a bad dream”, Dean sighed, but started telling anyways. “I don’t know where I was. It was just hot, really hot, and I was burning. I just… knew that Sam would be there if I wasn’t. I knew he was in trouble anyway. And then everything just flipped around and I saw mom… you know, she died in a fire. And she was burning, in the ceiling, and she was bleeding and I couldn’t do anything…” 

“It’s okay”, Cas said again. He didn’t try to say that it was just a dream, he didn’t say anything after that. He just held Dean tighter and tighter until they both fell asleep again. Dean slept peacefully for the rest of the night. 

Next morning Dean woke up hot and sweaty under the blanket. Cas was blinking slowly, their bodies meshed together. After waking up a bit more Dean could feel something else than his leg against Dean's thigh. Dean smirked but Cas hid his face to Dean's chest and made an embarrassed sound. But he didn't leave and that was the important part. Dean let his fingers drift through Cas' hair. Cas mumbled something. 

"Speak up, baby", Dean chuckled. 

"Sorry", Cas mumbled. 

"Sorry? For what?" Dean frowned. 

"We're at your parent's house and I'm getting hard", Cas said. He smirked, Dean could feel it. 

"You sly bastard", Dean mumbled. Cas laughed. The sound made Dean feel warm and homy, as it always did. He had never really had a home, but with Cas, home was wherever Cas was. When his arms were around Cas' waist or when Cas' arms pulled him close, Dean felt more at home than he had ever felt. Even though Dean knew he could make it on his own, he felt like Cas was his guiding light. Cas stood by his side and held his hand as he showed the right way. Because Dean knew that if he was left alone, even though he would make it, he would be lost. Lost and wandering to the bad side of life. Dean felt like that was what happened to John; he lost his guiding light. He lost his anchor, he lost Mary. And even though as a kid and teenager he wanted nothing more than to make his dad proud, be like dad, now all he was asking from the world was that he wouldn't turn into John. 

"You okay?" Cas murmured. Dean smiled down st him. 

"Yeah. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking we should have a photoshoot here", Dean said. 

"You want me nude in front of your family? That's fucked up, Dean", Cas teased. Dean whacked his the back of his head. 

"You can do other kind of photoshoots too, dumbo. Or are you telling me you're only popular because of getting naked a lot?" Dean complained. 

"You know I'm not", Cas mumbled. They were interrupted with a knock on the door. 

"There's breakfast", a grumpy voice said. Bobby’s heavy steps receded as Dean got up to face the day. 

They ate breakfast, Sam was a jerk as usual, and went out. Dean showed the garage where Baby was and told Cas to admire the car for a minute. Cas tried to say that he didn't understand the beauty of cars because there were a lot faster ways to move but Dean told him to shut up and stare at the car. After a moment of silence Cas commented the shiny surface. Even though it was kind of stupid, Dean appreciated it because it showed once more that Cas was trying. You couldn't deny that he was antisocial and awkward, but if you dug a bit deeper, you found a heart full of love and devotion. Once Cas considered something right or someone to be his friend, you better get out the way. He was a storm disguised as man and Dean loved it. Sometimes he just forgot what he was dealing with. 

Cas agreed to photos. Dean grabbed his camera and they headed out. Dean was more than happy to get pictures of few of his favorite things together: old cars and Cas. He leaned on the cars, sat inside them and on them, and the photos were gorgeous. Dean just hoped he could get pictures of Cas naked with the cars, but this would have to do. They moved further from Bobby’s house into the woods nearby. They walked along the road as snowflakes slowly hovered down. They almost seemed to stay on their places, frozen in time, and they got caught in Cas' dark hair. They brushed his red cheeks, stuck on his shoulders, melted on his fingers as he reached up towards the sky.   
Cas almost looked like he had never seen winter before. His eyes were full of wonder as they moved from the snow-covered grass to the grey sky. His face filled with longing, Dean knew Cas by heart now and this was definitely longing. His hair was ruffled up and his eyes teary when he finally looked down at Dean. His breath was caught. 

"It's so beautiful", Cas whispered. Dean barely heard the next words. "It almost makes me stop missing home." 

Dean snapped a picture. Cas didn’t seem to notice, but then his eyes trailed down Dean’s body. They stopped at the camera. Dean was about to offer to delete the picture, but instead Cas grabbed the camera and before Dean knew, he was the model. The longing never left Cas' eyes. 

When they got home after few hours, Cas was more like himself. He was still lost in his thoughts, but his smile when he looked up made Dean stop worrying. Dean just wrapped an arm around Cas' shoulders and ruffled his hair some more as they walked towards the house. Dean was content. He probably should have known that nothing ever went that well in his life, but it was good as long as it lasted. Dean would never forget the way Cas looked in the gentle light and snowfall. If there was one image he would remember on his death bed, that would be it. 

Dean stepped in without thinking. He held the door open for Cas and was about to yell that they were home, but something in Cas' expression made him stop. Cas was staring into the house. Dean slammed the door shut with a bad feeling in his gut and spun around to face whatever it was that the world wanted to throw at him. 

Of course. Dad. He was sitting on the couch grimacing as Bobby patched him up. Bobby looked grim and didn’t turn to better when he saw Dean. Dad was clearly drunk, he didn’t even notice them before he happened to raise his head to check the stiches Bobby was making on his shoulder. His eyes went out of focus a few times, but somehow he managed to sharpen his vision enough to recognize Dean. He didn’t smile, didn’t say hello, just stared until Dean felt like he was full of holes. 

"Dean", John slurred. "Who's that?" 

No hellos, no hugs, nothing about missing Dean or being sorry about missing his achievements of getting into school. Just making sure he himself was safe. 

"Dad. This is Cas. He's... a friend. From school", Dean said and a tiny part in him hoped that John would give him credit about school. Anything. Dean just wanted to shout "CAN YOU EVEN SEE ME? I'M RIGH HERE, DAD!" but he stayed silent. 

"Oh. Get him out of here", John said and looked away. Dean felt his face go red. 

"He's not going anywhere, John. How about 'Oh, you got into a school? Wow, good job, kiddo'?" Bobby said. 

"School's unnecessary when you have a job like this", John said quietly. 

"He's not going to do this job for fuck's sake. He's going to study and become what he wants instead of getting stuck with you and your obsessions", Bobby said, this time louder. 

"You should know, Bobby. They got Mary and they got -" John slurred. Bobby punched him. 

"We agreed. Now keep your part of the deal and shut the fuck up", he growled. Dean turned on his heels and escaped to the one place he always felt at peace. Impala. 

Cas didn't say anything for a while, just followed Dean into the car. They sat in silence until Cas reached out, turned the car on and put the heater to full blast. Dean stared forward. He didn’t want Cas to say anything, he just wanted everything to be back to what it had been, he wanted to watch Cas marvel the snow hovering down. He didn’t want to see John's unfocused stare and the mysterious wounds, he didn't want John to come along and destroy everything. 

"Well I see why we're both so fucked up", Cas mumbled. Dean uttered a lifeless laughter. 

"Yeah. Hope you enjoy meeting my family", Dean said and let his head drop against the headrest. 

"And hope you enjoyed meeting mine", Cas sighed.


End file.
